looking back

So what was the best part of 2010? I was asked that question recently and had a really hard time answering. I could immediately think of what the worst part (being the optimist that I am) was but the best was really hard to decide. I have been to some pretty cool places and enjoyed good times with friends so here are the highlights:

- crawling around in the caves of West Virginia
- climbing outdoors using ropes and harnesses
- meeting my nephew Augustus Wallace Lovelady
- meeting my nephew from a brother from another mother Matthias
- getting to spend more time with my sister and her children
- spending more time with my grandparents and getting to hear their fun stories
- working on quite a few quilts to give away
- moving into a new place with more space
- getting to work with an amazing group of kids
- getting to hang out with my friends
- getting snowed in with friends and not being able to find my car the next morning
- questioning a lot about what I want to do in this life I have to live here
- kayaking under a full moon
- meeting new people
- connecting in a different way with people I've known for a long time
- unexpected and undeserved gifts from friends (camera, ipod, shoes)
- having fun taking pictures again
- laughing a lot
- playing 6 hour long board games and not hating it
- friends willing to hold me accountable and help me with my frustrations
- people who get my sense of humor
- learning new things
- getting to play more volleyball and having people think I'm great (little do they know)
- communicating my feelings

Now this list is fine and dandy but I think that the question of 'what was the worst part of this year?' needs to be asked too:

- recognizing my feelings and lack of ability to communicate them for a long time
- being a hermit when I don't want to deal with things that need to be dealt with
- being frustrated with friends who don't understand me because I won't communicate to them my frustrations (pure foolishness)
- getting injured pretty badly twice within a space of 3 months (one a torn MCL while playing volleyball and the other a badly pulled muscle in my arm after water skiing)
- not to mention getting punched in the face while playing volleyball
- having a hard time relationally with multiple people that I work pretty close with and not knowing how to deal with that
- trying to figure out what my goals are as of now, how they've changed and whether or not they are God's will or my own
- trying to better understand God's call on my life specifically
- being frustrated with the church and not motivated to do anything about it
- not being creative or making as much as I would like to have done (too many ideas and not enough time or motivation)
- putting up with childish adults (don't get me wrong I think it's great that people can still have childlike hearts when they're older but to act childishly relationally and not accept things about yourself is the kind of childish I'm talking about)
- having my own childish attitude at times and not wanting to admit it
- not being able to shut my mind off at times
- not being about to work out my own thoughts so that I don't have to think about them incessantly

Now for a new year and new challenges along with old ones.
I read this recently and thought it fit pretty well for me too, My goal is to "do what I'm doing already only better". To live an intentional life and learn from my mistakes.

Nature Boy

there was a boy

a very strange enchanted boy
they say he wandered very far
very far
over land and sea
a little shy
and sad of eyes
but very wise was he
and then one day
one magic day he passed my way
and while we spoke of many things
fools and kings
this he said to me
the greatest thing
you'll ever learn
is just to love
and be loved in return

One of my favorite songs sung by the wonderful Nat King Cole . My grandmother told me the other day that one of her favorite sayings was "the greatest thing is to love and be loved in return."  I immediately thought of this song and how much I have appreciated it over the years. I believe that this saying is in a way part of God's call for us to love, and in return we will be loved without a doubt. In fact we are loved regardless of whether or not we love others in return. God's love is all encompassing. How else can I react to his wonderful love but by loving others.

blue skies

october 23 016, originally uploaded by noel_harmony.

There are so many days where I feel like there couldn't be anything good about it when all I have to do is look up and see the beauty of the vastness above me painted with the masterful hand of the creator.

The enjoyment of colors recently

I have always loved the way that metal changes over time, and this summer I have seen some absolutely beautiful specimens of this in my own backyard.

Wouldn't these colors look beautiful in a quilt!



I want to do some upcoming posts based on colors I'm seeing lately (and even maybe some from the past). I just know that it's been pretty amazing to watch fall's changes overwhelm us lately. Last year we didn't get a lot of color in the fall because it was so dry, but this year has been a burst of color see. Even now that most of the leaves have fallen, I am staring at the beautiful deep red of a male cardinal outside my parents living room window and his mates beautiful touches of red amidst its brown gray chest.

I Thank God for the beauty he has created in everything. One of my favorite stories that Mom tells is about how when we lived in Tampa she hated the color of our house. It was something akin to pukey yellow brown and she couldn't stand it. She asked Dad to paint it but it's not exactly cheap to paint an entire house. One day when she was driving home and complaining to God about how hideous the color of this house was and how she couldn't stand it anymore God told her simply to look up and she saw one of the prettiest sunsets. The amazing thing about this sunset was that it was the exact color of the house she was complaining so much about. I don't know what exactly I would have felt in that situation but I can imagine there was awe and wonder at God's amazing beauty as well as feeling humbled to complain over something so silly and unimportant. I would feel; joy at hearing and knowing God's answer to my prayer, honor that he would listen to even the silliest of my complaints, shame at having complained so readily and incessantly, and a need to remember the moment so that I could avoid the mistake again and be reminded of God's glory in similar moments.

Be reminded of the beauty of God's creation around you and enjoy it!

A bit of sewing for Gus

A Beautiful Gift

The last flowers of fall are showing their faces around here. I'm enjoying them in all of their glory.

I didn't forget I was just waiting for better pictures

Guess what!
Symphony had a baby and his name is Augustus Wallace Lovelady!

random tidbits from this summer

Time sure does fly when you're doing lots of things and the last place you really want to be is on a computer. Anyways, here is a picture walk through my summer thus far.

lots and lots of laughing!

Especially when friends let me put daisies in their absolutely ridiculous beards.

Contemplative moments around a fire with friends after a long road trip.

Taking pictures again after a long time of not doing so and absolutely loving the way my hair looks in this picture a friend took of me recently.

A quick trip to Philly to see a friend and see God's community in action at PBU and CCC.

Enjoying getting to know my nephew Matthias (a brother of mine from another mother, and sister too).

Meeting interesting critters along the way.

Enjoying time spent with my wonderful Grams at Brookside Buterfly Gardens and having adventures while learning that riding a motorized wheelchair in gravel can be very difficult.

Visiting a most beautiful farm for a weekend in West Virginia where life slowed down considerably for a while.

Growing a vast garden only to have much of it be eaten by pesky groundhogs (this is the only time I can think when a gun would be handy).

Kayaking at night and sharing the creek with the lightning bugs.

Enjoying the River in other ways!

Letting the moon amaze me with it's beauty and light.

Climbing around with friends.

Enjoying the genuineness of pictures that are taken when not expected.

Thoughts aplenty
words are few
wishing I knew what to do

God your will
is on my mind
let it be of my will too

obedience is hard
disobedience much harder
LORD help me to be smarter

no not smarter
but wiser still
to follow only and always your will

things i don't want to forget

So I've told this story to a few friends and will probably never forget it but in the event that my memory gets really bad this is one I don't want to forget.

This past week nearing the end of the work day while playing out on the parking lot with the remainder of my students and the two year old class one of my kids fell down and scraped their knee. I of course go over and pretend to perform emergency surgery and "cut off" their leg to be replaced with a new one. With my assistants help and after many giggles the surgery was a success and the patient walked away well with a new and improved elephant leg. After he got up one of our two year olds flopped herself in my lap and yelled "cut me, cut me."

I can't tell you how long I laughed but it was the perfect end to a day and just reminds me of our pure and simple these kids are. We show them something and they react in honest eagerness (whether or not what they ask is actually good for them or not). I love being able to have a conversation with these little ones and walk away astounded at their innocence and purity. No wonder you hear so many instances of children praying to God about crazy things and God coming through for them. I want that kind of innocence and purity in my conversations with Him again and always. And not just because I want Him to give me what I want, but to have Him reveal Himself to me too.

I guess the first step is mine.

emotional mess

I know I haven't been on here much lately but I guess I haven't felt like I had much to say (I often feel like that). However, my beautiful sister wants me to get back on here and write so for her (and a little for myself) I will attempt this yet again.

Rather than trying to catch up with everything that has been going on since I was last on here I'm going to start with the present.

On this glorious Easter day I have probably gone through every emotion imaginable starting off with anger and exacerbation then moving on to exhaustion, loneliness and self pitying and lastly blessed, loved and at ease (not only with myself but with those around me). Where are all of these emotions coming from? Firstly a build up of life questions that have been haunting me lately and secondly from a side effect of being a female (when I was younger I used to not believe in PMS but as I've grown older I've been more observant of changes in mood and lack of emotional restraint once a month or so).

While I could go on and on about the latter reason I want to focus this post more on the persistent life questions that have been following me around lately. I started this year off wonderful and confident and feeling like I was learning and growing in my relationship with God a lot. As soon as I proclaimed this growth to a few friends satan attacked me with past sins, self doubt, and insecurities and rather than face them full on I ran away and hid from the world.  This way the world (you) wouldn't see how messed up I truly am. Since then God has been slowly drawing me back out of my hiding place with questions like:

What do you have to be afraid of?
How can you feel unloved with a father like me?
How do you communicate to others?
Why are you letting other peoples problems hurt you? Give them to me.

Each of these questions that I've thought about before but never needed the answers to more than now.

I was helping my mom out with Easter dinner this afternoon and purging all of these thoughts and more on her while she patiently and quietly pointed me back to putting my trust in God. It made me think of all the suffering that I've put myself through in the past and compare with the suffering that Jesus endured on the cross over 2,000 years ago for me and it reminded me that He suffered so I wouldn't have to. A simple concept all too easy to forget. Being able to forgive myself for the faults in my life that he forgave me for a long time ago.

Thanks Abba!

Oh Bountiful Summer!

I was looking back at how little I posted on here this year when I realized I hadn't posted about my garden in all of it's glory! Well here are the few pictures I actually have of it.

One thing I've learned in this whole experimental garden is that it takes A LOT of time to make it work 'well'. A garden will still grow if you're not there to tend it but it may not grow what you want it to. I got into a good rhythm for a while going out in the morning for a short while each day to weed and make sure everything was looking good. Also I need to get a sprinkler to I don't have to stand there and water the garden and not really know how much water it's getting each week.



The things that were successful in my garden this year were; tomatoes, potatoes (although I might try a different variety next year), swiss chard (I had more than I could handle of this but it was good for sharing), onions, basil (not a big fan of it anymore), bell peppers, acorn squash, zucchini, yellow squash, parsley, cucumbers, berries, and a few carrots .



I think next year I'll do chives instead of onions and I'll try some cauliflower and broccoli. My green beans and peas didn't do too good where they were so I'll have to get that figured out too. I was able to harvest some but not a lot. I haven't looked into it yet but kidney beans might be something I'll try and a hot pepper plant for chili fixins. Corn never got in the ground this year but it is something I want to grow, along with sweet potatoes and strawberries. All this food is making me hungry.

Inevitability

Today I came to a realization about myself and what the future holds for me and that is this:

I will never be monetarily rich. I won't live a life of luxury where I will never have to think about what I'm spending my money on. Nope not me. I don't have the right kind of career for it, let alone the aspirations for it. Instead I will live a life full of the simple pleasures. A life where I will never have to worry about money because it's not mine to begin with. Everything I have belongs to God and He can manage it a lot better than I can. I will be rich in the blessings that God has to offer to His children. That seems like a better choice to me anyways.

Kayaking is my favorite place to be!

I have been kayaking a lot this summer with friends and family. I wanted to go so much more and with more new people but I don't know how to make things happen sometimes. Anyways here are a few pictures of this summers kayaking adventures and things found along the way. Enjoy!













Have a great night!

a fragile existence

Have you ever been frustrated with how fragile and breakable you or the ones you love are? I can see how easily it would be to become angry with God for the loss of a loved one or the pain we experience in this life through sickness, pain and disease.

Then I have to think about that amazing truth that God made us this way for a purpose. If we lived forever and could never feel pain, the joy and preciousness of this life would be lost on us. We would forget to cherish every moment and live our lives full. I may not always thank God for the life that he gave me (especially when I think my body is not acting like it's supposed to, I hear that happens more and more as we grow old) but it is my goal to try!

Lord help my existence not to be an empty one but full of the joy You give.